Posts Tagged ‘Law Enforcement Spouse’
Chp 9: Silver Bullets-Money & Your Marriage-Ideas and Hope
Keep Your Money Life Intact Spend less than you earn. This should be a no-brainer, but most people just don’t adhere to this idea. When I was a newlywed, my boss told me, “You should live on Brent’s salary and save yours.” I thought he was nuts. But I will tell you it was the…
Read MoreChp 8: Stuff Happens. When Hard Times Come
It isn’t a matter of if, it’s a matter of when. Stress can create police marriage problems but you can be prepared. Because my husband has PTSD from his deployment to Iraq, the Fourth of July is now about renting loud movies, closing all the windows and blinds or praying that he gets called into…
Read MoreChp 5: Game Face, His Coping Mechanisms
His Coping Mechanisms Your cop will have his ways to deal with stress. You may not be crazy about some of them, but, if it’s working, you need to let it go. A couple of years ago, Brent had a chief who dealt with stress by having an occasional outdoor cigar-smoking session with a few…
Read MoreChp 5: Game Face-Understanding his moods before and after shifts
Before and after Shifts Many times this hypervigilance rollercoaster will begin just before he leaves for work. He’s putting on his game face. For Brent and I, the time before his shift wasn’t pretty for years. Sometimes I’d be upset half the shift after he’d leave. He was intensely focused. There were a few hurt…
Read MoreChp 5: Game Face, Understanding his moods
In his book Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement Officers, Dr. Kevin Gilmartin describes the highs and lows of what he calls the hypervigilance rollercoaster. To be vigilant is to stay watchful and alert to danger or trouble. But because our men never know what will come at them on any given call, they maintain a…
Read MoreCh. 4: Code Four Communication-Selfishness v. Listening to Understand
Selfishness vs. Listen with the Desire To Understand This last communication killer is so common it’s actually part of our culture. We’re encouraged to look out for ourselves, to be self-focused. We’re also naturally inclined to respond to our own desires, feelings, and whims. We’ve been doing it since we could breathe. Maturity comes when…
Read MoreChapter 2: All Roads, All Codes, All In!
Get in, Sit down, Shut Up and Hang On! License plate frame, California It was Christmas Day when I realized our honeymoon was over. I hated our new apartment, I didn’t know a soul, and I commuted to work an hour and a half each way through Los Angeles traffic. This place was very different…
Read MoreA Little Reminder
I had myself a little reminder to slow down my driving a few months ago. Wrote the officer a poem to let him know that I learned my lesson. And yes, I’ve slowed down! While on my way to Chico, passed a trucker doin’ 50 Radio on, singing loud, was a feelin’ jus’ nifty, When…
Read MoreChecking What We’re Expecting
Sunday was the BIG game. We walked across the street to our neighbor’s home, where the food is ample and amazing. I brought sun-dried tomato pesto appetizers – and they were gone in ten minutes. I brought wedges of brownie pizza – and they were gone in four. I didn’t expect that. We rooted for…
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